Permission Slips - Ep4 - Sharon Thorp, Permission to travel in your 60ies after a divorce

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In this episode:

Sharon Thorp

In this episode, Sharon Thorp and I explored life after divorce and the courage it takes to give yourself permission to break ‘the rules’ and do the things you didn’t think were possible on your own.

Sharon shared her story of giving herself permission to live her best life, how she overcame the fear of traveling by herself, and the beauty of meeting others with a like mind and a like heart.

Age is a gift that's not given to everybody, so Sharon’s advice is to totally embrace it, do what makes you happy and to learn that after decades of caregiving, you are important, too.

Happiness is a choice so let’s choose to embrace our inner selves and take that trip, eat that cake, and buy that dress!

#SelfCare #WomenInBusiness #TravelInspiration #Wellbeing #solotraveler #divorce #solowomentraveller 

WHO ARE WE? Olegana Travel Boutique is a boutique travel company offering custom-curated trips for families and couples to Europe and authentic, luxury small-group tours for women.

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FB Page -
https://www.facebook.com/OleganaTravelBoutique
FB Group -https://www.facebook.com/groups/489264829740303/posts/703606978306086/
Small group travel for women -
https://groups.oleganatravelboutique.com/

Transcript

Anna Fishman: 0:02

Hello, everyone, you are listening to podcast number 4 of permission slip podcasts. Today, we have a special guest, Sharon Thorpe. And we will be talking about a very important thing. We will be talking about life after divorce, and we will be talking about how she signed her own permission slip to do the things that she never thought were possible after divorce, and one of those things were traveling on her own. So before we jump into that, I wanted to give her a minute to introduce herself. Sharon, welcome to our podcast so great, to have you here.

sharonthorp: 0:34

Thank you so much, Anna. So my name is Sharon Thorpe, and I am a traveler world traveler, very blessed to be able to travel the world the way I do. I'm a little bit of history about me. I have 2 adult children, both married. I have 3 grandchildren, so I'm a Nona for those of you who know Italian and speak Italian, and I'm 64 years old, so I've been divorced for 14 years. and I gave myself permission to live the best life I possibly could live, and to learn how to get over some of the hurdles that we all have the fear of traveling, maybe by ourselves. But you know the greatest blessing of all when you travel by yourself is that you meet other people with a like mind and like heart.

Anna Fishman: 1:24

100, I know, when we just met, and we had our 1st chat. And you said, You're Nona. I knew instantly that we'll have this bond over Italian love of Italy, over Italian culture, Italian heritage. I love it. I'm not Italian at all. I did my DNA 0%. But I love that culture so much, and I love that you're not afraid, because I know a lot of women these days are like, don't call me a grandma. I'm not a grandma like I love how you just like I'm a Nona. That is what it is.

sharonthorp: 1:53

It is, you know. You know we all have our backstories and our history, and I embrace my age because very sadly, my brother, my only sibling, died of a massive heart attack when he was 40, so my brother never had the privilege of getting wrinkles, and you know, seeing his son grow up, and obviously not being a grandparent. So to me, age is a gift that's not given to everybody, so I totally embrace it. and feel that this is our society sort of, you know, makes us all believe that everything is based on youth. But you know what we're like. Fine wine. The older we get the better it is. So, I think, you know, like Anna and I have spoken about travel, our love of Italy, and when I got divorced. I was married to someone who really he liked to travel, but it was more on his terms, and I had been traveling to Italy for quite a few years, and we were divorced after we got divorced, and I had booked a trip to go back to Rome. and I sort of sat back and said, You know, this is what I always do. and I'm going to do something different. So I changed my ticket. and I chose to go to Buenos Aires to Argentina by myself didn't know anybody. I didn't realize from New Jersey. It was a 10 and a half hour flight. But that's okay. And I went to Buenos Aires by myself and stayed in a hotel in a really cool little area. And I was okay to a point to a point. and when I really started to think about it, I was like, Oh, my God, I'm here! I'm by myself. I don't know anybody. Sharon, you're an idiot like. What did you like? Why would you torture yourself like this? But, you know I was there, and it wasn't easy to get home. So I was going to make the best of it. and I took an on and off bus so I could get the lay of the land, and in front of me. The seat in front of me was a couple, a man who was around my age, with a much younger woman who are madly in love. So it made the trip even more challenging. So I had to get off at the next stop and have a little bit of retail therapy to feel better. So it was a. It was a challenge going to such a different environment by myself. And then I went to an art museum, and I'm a lover of art, and I was looking at a painting of the papas. and the realization came to mind that if I was with my ex-husband he would have been saying like, Come on, let's go move it. You know. Why are we looking at this picture? I want to eat lunch. And I realized at that moment that if I wanted to stand there for 4 h I could literally stand there for 4 h, and it was one of those like what Oprah calls Aha! Moments where I just it changed my whole way of thinking. It changed my outlook. and at that moment it was just a very poignant moment for me, because I realized that I can do what I want. I can follow my heart's desires. I have permission to stand there for 3 h, 4 HI have permission to eat when I want. I have permission to not have dinner. If I had a big lunch that I wasn't there to always take care of somebody else, that it was okay for me to do what made me happy, which I think is a huge step for a woman. because our whole lives we're taking care of siblings, you know, helping our moms in the kitchen, you know, doing for dads, whatever the case may be. Then we have boyfriends and husbands or other people who. you know we are always helping, and we have to learn how to step back and say, you know, I'm important, too. So it was a really life changing trip for me.

Anna Fishman: 6:14

You know it was such a beautiful moment for you, and it also takes a certain level of life, experience, and wisdom to catch yourself in that moment, and to realize that because we. WI. Feel like our lives are so fast right now we go through every day so fast that we don't even have them a chance to reflect on certain things. And sometimes I catch myself feeling something and thinking something later on. I was like, oh, I'm so like I'm so grateful that I remember that moment. And now, like, now, I can reflect back on it because you could have been stuck in that mentality of like thinking of that couple with that older man with that younger woman, and constantly like rehashing it in your head. We're so used to like. I think the the scientific way of it, like we're so used to thinking what we're always thinking, because the neural paths in our brain it's kind of like a hiking path like if you're walking on the hiking path, it's the same path back and forth. It's much harder to go off the path, because, you know, there are trees and leaves, and like in our brain as well like, if it's so much easier to think well, to be happy, you need to be 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, him and her him and her. So you could have been in that mindset, and you could have ruined your entire trip being sad and upset, that wishing that you were that. But instead, you had the the wisdom, the beauty, the clarity of mind to realize, standing in front of that painting. Oh, my God! Like maybe it would have been nice to have someone, you know, someone's arm around you who's loving and caring and supporting. I'm not saying that's not nice, but in that moment we're standing there alone. You're still finding the beauty you're still finding like you're seeing the other side of it that, like, you can be happy, and you can be satisfied, and you can be. You can give yourself permission to break that rule. And just because you you're after divorce and 50 plus like, you don't need a man to stand there next to you to make you happy. That's a beautiful thing.

sharonthorp: 8:10

Right? And I think what it is. It's really understanding that in life we have choices. So in the morning, happiness is a choice. Yeah. yeah, it's a choice. Sadness is a choice. Loneliness is a choice, and by that is loneliness circumvented just by having a man in your life, or is it also about having wonderful friends in your life, you know, who enhance your life? And you know we've spoken about like our meetups and meetups that you know we've had for travel, and to have meet other women with like minds and like hearts with the same type of fears. and how I feel like women are just so good at helping each other to get over these hurdles in life. And to really we understand each other. You know, we're all sort of dealing with the same issues, be it aging, you know, being caretakers for aging parents, children, whatever the case may be, and you know you find people who are living the same experience as you like. Everybody's experience is unique to them. But we all sort of do walk down the same path, you know. Yeah.

Anna Fishman: 9:28

I love. How sorry I didn't mean to interrupt.

sharonthorp: 9:31

That's okay. But we're all dealing with the same things.

Anna Fishman: 9:35

Yeah, I love how my business coach says she's my business coach and life coach, says Anna. You're not that special snowflake like you may think that you're unique in this situation. But a lot of other people are going through this. We're just putting these limiting beliefs and these societal rules around us, because that's how it's always done. That's what you're supposed to do like. I'm sure your friends who, once they learn that you're went to Buenos Aires. I thought you were completely crazy. Who does that.

sharonthorp: 10:03

Of course they did, and but I could also say that I do have friends who maybe thought at first, st but when I did it. It gave them permission. not sharing my experiences in my heart of what you know was uncomfortable for me. It gave them permission to do the same thing, and my best friend. She retired 1st week of September. and she gave herself permission to spend 3 months in Sicily by herself. So so, you know, I think we all have it in us. We hold ourselves back, you know. We tell ourselves we can't do it, and sometimes I think it's an excuse to that. We'll tell ourselves we can't do this, or we can't do that, because maybe we're just afraid to take that 1st step.

Anna Fishman: 10:59

We are. And that's why we're called this podcast give yourself permission to do these things. And that's why I'm having this conversation with different women of different ages, races, walks of life, because I'm hoping that our conversations will inspire someone else to take that 1st step. because if we don't give ourselves this permission, no one else will.

sharonthorp: 11:21

Right, and it's so true that it's always the 1st step. That's the hardest. you know. It's like, when you see a child start to take their 1st steps, and they're a little wobbly, and whatever and we are, we're wobbly with our 1st steps, but before you know it, you're off and running, and I could honestly say, I go to China on business, you know I fly over there. Yes, I have business partners over there, but I'm still on that 14 and a half hour flight to Shanghai by myself, and I've met so many interesting people, and I really believe when you open yourself up to life. Life comes to you. If you shut yourself off. It's just interesting. Things don't happen, you know. You stay isolated and your life becomes isolated like you. Really. it's hard at first, st but once you do it, there's no going back like it's joyful. Yeah.

Anna Fishman: 12:18

Well, I always say when there is a will there is a way right like, if you really want to make that trip like, and of course I run a travel company. We bonded over travel to Italy. So like we're going to talk a lot about travel. But a lot of times women come to me and say, I really want to join one of your trips. Do you have anyone coming from Detroit? Do you have anyone coming from Florida because they're afraid to get they're like I've I've heard multiple times. Oh, you know I've never flown by myself. I've always flown with my husband, and maybe. you know, the husband may not want to travel. The husband may be deceased like. There are different situations in life. not always a divorce, but a lot of times. Women are later in life, face situations where they have to do things they've never done on their own. And because it's later in life like I feel like when we're all 18, and whatever we'll just do it right. But when you're 50 60, it's a little bit or a lot harder to to make that 1st step, and and they're afraid. So maybe when I say you know, you can travel alone, I don't mean you leave your home alone for 2 weeks. You are like in China or Europe alone. You don't talk to anyone. No, you don't have to be alone. Yes, you can leave your home alone. But you know when right, for example, tomorrow, I'm having a call with 3 women who are interested in coming on my Puglia trip. each of them from different locations. Each of them were a little bit hesitant about traveling on their own. So I said, Why don't we jump on the call altogether the 3 of us, and figure out how you can support each other, and how you can make this trip of a lifetime, this dream trip that will be perfect for you. Happen if you, the 3 of you, get together, you don't have to wait for your family, for your friends, because a lot of times like I was so many times in the situations where, like, I really wanted to do something. And my friends are like, Yeah, yeah, we'll do it, and then they bail right and like, I'm not going to sit in my whole life and wait for them to join me. Maybe I'll find someone else, or like, I'll do it on my own, and then find someone else who can do it. So I'm really excited because I've never done a call with 3 women who don't know each other, who want to get together before going on a trip. But I think it's going to be a very interesting experience, and it will give them that permission to pull the trigger.

sharonthorp: 14:23

Right, and that was like the meetups. you know. I had one meet up here in New Jersey, and I knew a handful of people, my friends, who came to support it, but the majority of women nobody knew each other, and they introduced each other, and within an hour it was so noisy because everybody was talking so much. And I think women by nature we bond with each other. And you know, because our stories like you said earlier. We think our story is so unique to us. But it's not. And there's so much commonality amongst women when we're just mutual and transparent. It's really about being transparent, because we all have the same fears, the same joy like it's just commonality, not looking for differences in each other, but finding the commonalities with each other.

Anna Fishman: 15:18

I really love the bonding experiences that happen when women come on our trips. We just finished the week in Spain and the week in Italy, and I feel like our Italy group has bonded so well. It's been 2, I want to say, 10 days since they all got home, and we usually create a Whatsapp chat for everyone while they're in a trip. The chat is still blowing up every morning. Everybody's in different parts of the United States and Canada. So every morning I wake up, and it's like 72 notifications I love how they still keeping in touch. And they're having the conversations, and they're sharing about jet lag, or if they, you know, if they tried their focaccia recipe, or if the wine that they order has arrived, and how they miss their pets. It's you would think that they've been friends their whole life. The pictures that I've seen. Sorry. One more point before I let you go. Let you speak the picture that I've seen from like day 2 of the trip. They're like hugging, and they're smiling. And I was like, Oh, my God! It's so amazing that these women who did not know each other prior to coming on this trip. already bonded only after 48 h. They already bonded, and they're like having the best time of their life. Sorry now your turn.

sharonthorp: 16:27

And I feel that when women, especially when you're away on a trip, you know it's not like you're thinking like, Oh, my God, you know. Is there enough milk in the refrigerator? Is it? This is that like, you're sort of free to just be yourself. and I think a lot of times. Women lose themselves, you know, over life because we're taking care of other people. And it's really so important for your children, grandchildren, friends for you to really understand who you are, because we all have a lot to offer to the world. You know, we just sometimes don't think we do. But we do and mentoring. and, you know, helping each other. It's the most important thing we could do.

Anna Fishman: 17:10

Absolutely. I remember my 1st trip to Italy with the group. and I was on the plane back talking to the 2 ladies that came with me what happened to be on the same flight. and I remember, like it hit me that I finally remembered what it's like to be, Anna, because for so many years I've been the mom, the business owner, the wife, the daughter, the friend like. I forgot what Anna was like, and I was telling the women next to me on the plane about my college experience of studying abroad in Spain, and how I met my best friend there, and I was in Spain when I was 18. This was like more than half of my life ago, and on that flight back I felt again that like this is how I kind of felt in Spain like having these adventures and and not worrying about the milk in the fridge. And if the kids are fed like, yes, I have kids, and I love my kids, and I'm so fortunate that I have a husband who's very supportive and who's willing to be with the kids while I'm doing this. But it was so important for my soul to feel that like, what does Anna like to do? What does Anna like to eat it like I came back a new person, and like it, recharged me for like a whole year ahead, to to work to be a good mom, you know, to be to be a more patient mom, a more present, mom, I can't stress enough how much you know how like they do like vitamin B, 12 infusions that's like for me, a flight to Europe. It's like I come back and people say like, Oh, my God! Like you look different. What did you do? I'm like I went to Italy. That's it. I didn't. No, Botox, not nothing. I just went to Italy.

sharonthorp: 18:47

Same here. 1 1 stroll around the piazza, and I am back.

Anna Fishman: 18:52

Heck, yeah.

sharonthorp: 18:54

That's amazing. And it's just it's so funny, because If you haven't experienced it. it's almost hard to believe that it has such a such a positive effect on you like when you do take these steps, and then you build your confidence where you're like. Hey? You know I did that like that is sort of cool that I did that. And let's see, you know, maybe I could do something like that again. Or maybe you know, I could start that Pilates class, or maybe I could. Do you know, it just gives us this confidence because I agree with you. My daughter has 3 children. And I said to Jessica my words of wisdom when my eldest granddaughter was born, Layla, like right now you're 100% mommy. but in a year be 99%. Mommy. But take back 1%, Jessica. because someday your kids are going to grow up and they're still going to need you. But it's going to be different. Don't lose yourself. Yeah. And I think a lot of us women we lose ourselves. you know. We forget to get our haircut. It's not that important. It is important because it makes you feel good. Yeah. you know. And it's those little things that we always say, no, it's okay, you know. No, I don't have to do that. And we always forget about ourselves. And you have permission not to forget about yourself like you. Can you matter? Yeah.

Anna Fishman: 20:28

And your kids and grandkids deserve a happy mom with a fresh haircut like.

sharonthorp: 20:34

With a fresh haircut, as well.

Anna Fishman: 20:37

Right. a hundred percent like we, we lose ourselves. We put ourselves last. We come up with all these excuses. Why we can or why we shouldn't. But another saying like, I'm full of sayings. Another saying is like, you can never get what you've never had. If you never do what you've never done right like you don't know. What kind of transformation can a trip to Buenos Aires or Rome, or anywhere else in the world, do for you if you've never done it, and you don't know what you may be missing out on.

sharonthorp: 21:07

Right. It's almost like, you know. You stand by the swimming pool, and you're like, should I jump in, should I not? And you stand there and you have an aw, and sometimes you just have to dive in. No for it, because then you realize that we really just stop ourselves like. There's no reason not to do these things, but we come up with excuses, and we stop ourselves, and by stopping ourselves we stop our personal growth. our conversations become limited, you know, and especially as you're older, I find that there are so many women who are lonely. You know. They've retired. Their kids are grown okay. You have grandkids, it's great, and you could spend some time with your grandkids. But then the grandkids get older like, who are you? How do you find yourself, you know, and I think a lot of times it's through being with other women and changing your view, changing the location you're in and experiencing new things, you really find yourself again.

Anna Fishman: 22:10

Yeah, absolutely. I didn't realize how many lonely women are there until I started the Facebook group that now grew up to more than 200,000 women I was like, Oh, my God! This is like an epidemic of loneliness, and it's it's sad. But at the same time I'm happy that we we created this because now we're giving an opportunity to women to have an outlet. Maybe not everyone. Of course not. Everyone will travel with us. but maybe they'll join a meetup like I know you and so many other women in different parts. Not only us different parts of the world create these amazing casual meetups. Let's let's grab a coffee. Let's grab lunch, and you just you know you put together. You put a time and location and you put the invite out there, and I think you've done a couple of these right. Tell us more about that.

sharonthorp: 22:53

So the meetups, you know. I really didn't know what I was getting into when I decided to do this. I tend to be a social person. and I just feel as I've gotten older, you know, hearing the voices of other women who will say, Oh, Sharon, you go to Italy. You do this like. Oh, when I retire I'll go to Italy. Now I'm like you're retired, and you're still not going to Italy like everybody keeps putting things off, and I was like, you know what? Let me put together this Meetup, and see where people are on this and their mentalities, and whatever and so many of the women who came. you know, every nobody came with a friend, I mean, I had a couple of friends, but nobody came with a friend. So that's a lot of courage. to begin with, to go meet up with a group of people where you don't know anybody right. That's travel was the only common thread or wanting to travel. And the meetup, like a lot of these women, actually did become friends. You know, they were texting each other for coffee, and then with additional meetups and events like the same people want to come, because now they're friends, it's not as if they're going to the meetup, and they're not knowing anybody now. They know a few people, and their friend group is growing outward, and they're having lunches and getting together and talking travel. So from a simple meetup. Now they have a new network of women who are in similar circumstances. Some of them are divorced, some have lost husbands. Some are divorced, and some are married who have a lot of women are married who have husbands that really just don't want to travel. They don't want to do it, you know. But the women feel now like, why do? Why am I not traveling like he doesn't want to travel, but it's okay that I want to travel, and they're finding camaraderie with other women in the same situation.

Anna Fishman: 24:56

Yeah, and and these relationships.

sharonthorp: 24:58

Helping women.

Anna Fishman: 24:59

Absolutely. It's women empowering women, women helping women, women standing, besides other women. And I know you have a few interesting thematic meetups and events coming up. I know we have some in the works together. So we'll definitely put more links to to all our events below this podcast episode, we'll put them in our Facebook group as well. So if you're not part of our Facebook group, please join. But there will be a link below as well. Every woman of every race, color, from every walk of life, and every country in the world is welcome to join our Facebook group. If you're local to some of the meetups. Please join them. If you don't see any meetups in your area, please create one. It's free. We don't charge anything for that. You can create a meetup in your local coffee shop around the corner from your house, and you never know. Maybe on the street, 2 streets away from you. Maybe there's somebody amazing who lives there, and you can make a new friend.

sharonthorp: 25:52

Well, I have to tell you that's what happened at my meetup. There were 2 women who traveled an hour to get to the Meetup that I had to only realize that they lived in the same town and they lived in the same Condo Development House, and they never knew each other so.

Anna Fishman: 26:10

Yes.

sharonthorp: 26:11

You never know, like life is full of surprises, and you know you have to be out there to experience the surprise of life.

Anna Fishman: 26:18

Yeah, you could not have said it better. Thank you so much, Sharon. This was such a joy talking to you. Thanks. Thank you for sharing your story and your experiences. I hope at least one person will walk away from listening to this podcast on this interview, with a little bit more courage and a little bit of more inspiration to follow their dreams, and to to make that 1st step to either travel or make a new friend, or just grab a cup of coffee with a stranger that you may never have otherwise met. But you maybe you came across one at one of our meetups. Thank you again.

sharonthorp: 26:47

You're welcome. Have a wonderful day.